Dagens horoskop

[Gjest uglepugle]

Aquarius (Jan 23 - Feb 22)

You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be

progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same

mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone

thinks you are a fucking jerk.

Pisces (Feb 23 - Mar 22)

You are a pioneer type and think most people are dickheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient and full of advice. You do nothing but piss-off everyone you come in contact with. You are a prick.

Aries (Mar 23 - April 22)

You have a wild imagination and often think you are being

followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on

your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general cunt.

Taurus (April 23 - May 22)

You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged

determination and work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddamned communist.

Gemini (May 23 - June 22)

You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you

because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too

much for too little. This means your are a cheap bastard.

Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.

Cancer (June 23 - July 22)

You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's

problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always

putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a shit. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.

Leo (July 23 - Aug 22)

You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are a cunt. Most leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving motherfuckers and enjoy masturbation more than sex.

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22)

You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your

shit-picking attitude is sickening to your friends and

co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and often fall

asleep while fucking. Virgos make good bus drivers and

pimps.

Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22)

You are the artistic type and have a difficult time dealing

with reality. If you are a male you are probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil. Most Libra women are whores. All Libras die of venereal disease.

Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 22)

You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business

and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinacle of

success because of your total lack of ethics. You are the perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most Scorpios are murdered.

Sagittarius (Nov 23 - Dec 22)

You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless

tendency to rely on your luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks. You are a worthless piece of shit.

Capricorn (Dec 23 - Jan 22)

You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are

basically chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance.You should kill yourself.