Panic Disorder

[Gjest Anonym bruker]

I am most likely suffering from having panic disorder. I had one of my major life stress when my partner and I broke up after 4 years. We didn't have any kids together but my son from my previous marriage practically grew up having him as the 'father figure'. A lot of things had been too disturbing for me, from the breakup, til the time he started dating someone else, and until the time he married someone else. I feared he'd totally dropped everything about us including my son because of the new wife. Fear that they might have a kid of their own and that he'd lose his feelings over my son. Fear of bumping into them in public and that they'd see me as the pathetic ex who is now alone. Fear of the thought that they'd last together more than the 4 years I had lived together with him. At times I think it's better I die than be mentally and emotionally punished further. Besides I can't change the fact that he's now married, and that there's no more chance we'd be together again. But I don't want to or maybe I couldn't because I can't leave my son behind losing me as well. Fears and anxiety had attacked me for nearly a year now and it seems like it's not getting any better. On the exterior, people around me thinks I'm doing fine but the problem starts when I am alone especially when it's night time. I am too afraid to admit to my friends and family that I haven't gotten over the situation of my break up since it had been almost a year since. By now, they all expect that I'm more than recovered. I'm afraid to admit that I suffer from all the fears and anxiety, not to mention I start to think violent thoughts about my ex for having put me in this situation where I am in right now, for the reason that I don't want my kid to be taken away from me in case I'm diagnosed of having this illness. That maybe in my situation, I'm not mentally fit to take care of my son. I fear that my behavior can be damaging to my kids psychological well being. Seeing his mom crying suddenly or having shortage of patience every once in a while that causes me to snap at a simplest error he'd make. More than anything, I'd hope I'd get the medical attention I need. It had been difficult with some of the visits I had with my doctor since I can only clearly express myself in English than in Norsk. I end up unsatisfied with the doctor saying my condition is actually self-help or that I should try to take some anti-depressant pills. And that psychiatric neither psychological treatments are not yet necessary in my case. Please help me find out how I'd get myself out of this illness. Do I or don't I need to seek for professional help?