Fredagsvitser

[morsan]

På tide med litt humor på tampen av arbeids(?)uka, folkens! ;-)

Her kommer en:

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said, "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?"

"Yes, I know," said the lady. "I need both my hands to hold onto this hat."

"But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties and your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 75 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"

[fjærn]

MORAL TEST

This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By

giving

an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally. The test

features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will

have to make a decision.

Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Please

scroll down slowly and give due consideration to each line.

THE SITUATION

You are in Florida, Miami to be specific. There is chaos all around you

caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical

proportions. You are a photojournalist working for a major newspaper ,

and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot career-making

photos. There are houses and people swirling around you, some

disappearing under the water. Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury.

THE TEST

Suddenly you see a man in the water. He is fighting for his life ,trying not to be taken down with the debris. You move closer. Somehow the man

looks familiar. You suddenly realize who it is. It's George W. Bush!

At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him under forever. You have two options--you can save the life of George W. Bush, or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize-winning photo, documenting the death of one of the world's most powerful politicians.

THE QUESTION

Here's the question, and please give an honest answer:

Would you select high contrast color film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white.......?

[Prozak]

The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage.

He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, "Put those on."

The bride replies, "I can't wear your trousers."

He replies, "And don't forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!"

The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, "Try those on!"

He replies,"I can't get into your knickers!"

"And you never bloody will if you don't change your attitude."

"........................................."

[morsan]

MORAL TEST

This test only has one question, but it's a very important one. By

giving

an honest answer, you will discover where you stand morally. The test

features an unlikely, completely fictional situation in which you will

have to make a decision.

Remember that your answer needs to be honest, yet spontaneous. Please

scroll down slowly and give due consideration to each line.

THE SITUATION

You are in Florida, Miami to be specific. There is chaos all around you

caused by a hurricane with severe flooding. This is a flood of biblical

proportions. You are a photojournalist working for a major newspaper ,

and you're caught in the middle of this epic disaster. The situation is nearly hopeless. You're trying to shoot career-making

photos. There are houses and people swirling around you, some

disappearing under the water. Nature is unleashing all of its destructive fury.

THE TEST

Suddenly you see a man in the water. He is fighting for his life ,trying not to be taken down with the debris. You move closer. Somehow the man

looks familiar. You suddenly realize who it is. It's George W. Bush!

At the same time you notice that the raging waters are about to take him under forever. You have two options--you can save the life of George W. Bush, or you can shoot a dramatic Pulitzer Prize-winning photo, documenting the death of one of the world's most powerful politicians.

THE QUESTION

Here's the question, and please give an honest answer:

Would you select high contrast color film, or would you go with the classic simplicity of black and white.......?

*knegg*

[morsan]

Åke skulle begraves et lite sted i Sverige. Det er mye

folk i kirken og stemningen er svært trist.

Så skulle presten si noen ord om denne stakkars døde mannen

da og han begynner sin lille tale med ordene:

"Ja, nu har Åke åkt sitt sista åk!"

Da begynner en kar på en av de bakerste benkene å le.

Presten later som han ikke hører det og fortsetter med

talen. Men personen bak i kirken bare ler høyere og høyere

og det var mange i kirken som begynte å bli ganske

forferdet over dette. Det var jo tross alt ganske

trist med begravelsen og det hele.

Til slutt så gir presten opp og vender seg mot bakerste benk:

"Hur kan ni le i en begravning? Varför skrattar ni?"

"Jo", sier mannen, mens han står på alle fire og hikster

etter pusten.: "Mitt navn är Jocke!"

[morsan]

Det var en gang to svenske snekkere som sto og spikret panel på et hus.

Du vet hvordan dette foregår, en tar opp en neve spiker, og slår dem inn i

veggen. Nå la den ene snekkeren merke til at kollegaen alltid så nøye på

spikrene før han brukte dem, og at plukket vekk omtrent halvparten som han

kastet.

Etter å ha sett på dette rare fenomenet en stund, kunne han ikke dy seg

lenger, og spurte hvorfor i alle dager den andre oppførte seg så rart.

-Jammen det ser du vel, svarte han som kastet spikrene, disse spikrene må være

av veldig dårlig kvalitet, for det er så mange som har hodet i gal ende!

Hvorpå den andre repliserte: "Din forbannede dumrian, drive og sløse med

spiker på denne måten, du må da vel fatte og forstå at det er spikre som skal

brukes på den andre siden av huset!

[jubalong70]

Fantastisk bra!!! *LOL, LOL, LOL*